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Date night! But we’re married….

How many married couples out there have fallen into a rut…the years slip away (and sometimes not even that) you both fall into comfortable (cough) boring habits of the familiar.

What once was considered courtship behavior is simply left to the wayside.

WHY is it with so many couples that marriage has to equate boredom….

I don’t feel the primping and preening stops for either partner.  Don’t you wish to still feel that tingling rush of sweet anticipation.  I for one love this delicious sensation and don’t want to ever lose it.

I love hearing from my husband, looking forward to date night.  One of the best things about marriage is that you have a captured audience (pun intended).  I want to be able to keep his interest, to make him feel good.  I think it’s important to keep up the sugar and spice and everything nice when you join the monogamy team.

Being married doesn’t mean settling into the endless doldrums. BE creative!  Enjoy your spouse and all the little sweet surprises that they have to offer. ;)

Keep falling in love with your partner over and over….it’s exhilarating.

 

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Distance is relative

LILIESGrowing up I was lucky to have  parents who were able to afford overseas trips and by overseas trips in this case I mean Puerto Rico.  Roughly every other summer my mom would pack our bags and off we went for 3 months of cultural immersion.

Dad, the workaholic that he was, typically would spend that time away from family at Indland Container Corporation.  His weekends were either spent on his motorcycle, fishing, or hanging out with friends. (every married guy’s dream.)

I never heard from either parent whether or not the other was missed but dad would call every week.  I liked the break because it meant something different, playing with cousins, going to the beach, eating PR food and not having to face Mr. Disciplinarian.

Irregardless, I always wondered if my parents DID miss each other…I guess after so many years of marriage they took each other for granted.  Dad did his thing, mom did hers.  I never thought I would end up marrying someone who ended up many miles from home.  And if I even had the faintest inkling that I would…..I always thought *I* would be the deployable one.

When you love someone and they leave, you keep close their memories, their love.  And with that you’re never truly alone but tell that to the heart when days…nights go by and you face each and every one of them alone, you go to bed alone and wake up in the middle of the bed not worrying about stealing the covers or taking up too much room but you miss that worry. And you wonder, as I at times did….had mom ever miss dad’s presence all those years ago…because I know she does now and he isn’t back home in Indiana waiting for his family to return from the island.  But he remains, he remains in our hearts and this is something I never take for granted. And as much as I miss my husband I wonder the impact of his death would mean to my heart if he were the first to go. Love is beautiful but also very painful.  But I try to hold on to the joy it brings, because love does indeed make life beautiful………

Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Henry Scott Holland
1847-1918
Canon of St Paul ‘s Cathedral

 

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A different breed…

Had an interesting conversation with my spouse regarding deployment and marital bliss.  Before the advent of technology our grandparents depended upon mail from their loved one.  It could take weeks before word of their well-being would arrived.

Our “me me me” generation of I want it now has made us less compliant when it comes to patience.  A virtue sorely lacking in today’s youth.

With Facebook, SKYPE, Hotmail, Gmail, and cell phones obsession, reaching out is only a click away.  So imagine if you will, year slipping by and not being able to see your husband as was the case with my maternal grandmother.  Where did her patience come from…was it that her financial stability was tied to her husband…my grandfather while he was away serving during WWII.

And this brings us to the present.  American women today don’t necessarily need a man to bring home the bacon. We women can bring it home and fry it. We have become women of a different breed.  We are establishing ourselves with 401k’s, retirement funds, careers.  We overcame our feelings of inadequacies to establish our own feminine niche in this world.

However, with that being said, with having our personal space, our personal needs met, it’s nice to come home to a pair of masculine arms and forget about the world “out there” and focus on a part of ourselves that only a partner who “gets you” can provide….

 

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I am an American Soldier

I had the privilege to volunteer as part of the honor guard (also known as ceremonial guard) for my unit.  We were tasked to attend a veteran’s funeral at Jefferson Barracks. The honor guard is also tasked to guard national moments, are the guardians of “the colors”, and in this case, provide funeral honors.

The honor guard is a noble and time honored tradition which am proud to have participated in. It is my hope to have such a ceremony when my time comes to go gently into that good night. Though, I think at times of those men and women in uniform whose time was suddenly cut short I say:

As virtuous men pass mildly away,

And whisper to their souls to go,

Whilst some of their sad friends do say,

“Now his breath goes,” and some say, “No.”

John Donne

And even though I didn’t personally know the soldier, I realize that we are brothers and sisters in arms and forever bonded by our service to this great nation.

grave

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Discovery

The Human Element

For each of us there’s a moment of discovery
We turn a page, we raise a hand
And just then in the flash of a synapse
We learn that life is elemental
And this knowledge changes everything
We look around and see the grandness of the scheme
Sodium bonding with chlorine
Carbon bonding with oxygen
Hydrogen bonding with oxygen
We see all things connected
We see life unfold
And in the dazzling brilliance of this knowledge
We may overlook the element not listed on the chart
Its importance so obvious
Its presence is simply understood
The missing element is the human element
And when we add it to the equation
The chemistry changes
Every reaction is different
Potassium looks to bond with potential
Metals behave with hardened resolve
And hydrogen and oxygen form desire
The human element is the element of change
It gives us our footing to stand fearlessly
And face the future
It is a way of seeing that gives us a way of touching
Issues, ambitions, lives
The human element
Nothing is more fundamental
Nothing more elemental
(DOW)
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Do unto others

I grew up knowing what it felt like being in the minority.  I never considered myself different than the other kids in school until I revealed in the 4th grade that I was half Puerto Rican.  My teacher discovered (cannot remember how) that I was bi-racial.  She was fascinated and asked if I would create a short presentation of my roots.  I was glad to do it; this doey eyed innocent little girl who held no shame about being “different”. I brought pictures, wrote out the alphabet and showed the kids how to pronounce each letter. Afterwards I received accolades from the teachers and even gave a presentation to the 5th grade class.

Little was I to know then the drama that would unfold through my childhood and teenage years for being the mixed child. Kids would call me names (and the wrong racial slurs also). I was called a wetback though Spic was the more appropriate term.  Had rocks thrown at me, was spat upon all because my father decided to marry an island girl who was a little more brown than others and spoke with a beautifully lilting accent.

I learned to stick up for myself, to fight back with words and not fists.  All that torrential abuse caused me to quickly learn to develop a thick skin but when you’re a 9 year old little girl you haven’t quite developed the tools to wrap your arms around your heart in protection.  It took time, and made me realize how sad these people were who would so easily discount so many of the world’s population and of course, someone like me.
Those racial taunts only spurred me even harder to leave home and succeed, which I did. We all have to learn how to get along. Doesn’t matter your racial, ethnic, religious, or socioeconomic background.  We have but this one life, this one planet.  Let’s all try to get along…shall we?

Racism springs from the lie that certain human beings are less than fully human. It’s a self-centered falsehood that corrupts our minds into believing we are right to treat others as we would not want to be treated.
Alveda King

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For the love of country

Never am I quite so amazed when it comes to my country than when I see us coming together during times of tragedy.  These past few days have beautifully illustrated America’s patriotism.  When we are faced with such tragic adversity we come together as a citizenry to combat domestic terrorism.

My heart goes out to Boston and her people and am relived the two marathon suspects have been apprehended.  I’ll never understand what causes an individual to lash out in such a vicious  manner.  Perhaps their hearts were filled with a void which only violence and misled values could fill.

Irregardless, for this American, such events as the Boston Marathon bombings only reaffirms my intense love for this country and the pride I feel being an American citizen and calling this wonderful country home.

Our hearts where they rocked our cradle,
Our love where we spent our toil,
And our faith, and our hope, and our honor,
We pledge to our native soil.
God gave all men all earth to love,
But since our hearts are small,
Ordained for each one spot should prove
Beloved over all.
~Rudyard Kipling